Working to Rule
Now I am going to tell you about my work to rule. Because in years to come I will laugh about this, just like Toby and I do over his I am 15 – king of my domain attitude. You will probably laugh now, because you have either been there as a teenager or as a mum or even you may just see yourself in this situation in years to come – good luck...
Toby and I are very similar, very fair minded, shout very loud and then forgive very easily, however Poppy is the quiet smouldering sort and most of the time only really sees things from her point of few. Neither way is right but as a family you just have to work around these not so nice characteristics.
So setting the scene:
Toby and I are very similar, very fair minded, shout very loud and then forgive very easily, however Poppy is the quiet smouldering sort and most of the time only really sees things from her point of few. Neither way is right but as a family you just have to work around these not so nice characteristics.
So setting the scene:
Noel and I are sat on the settee having a quiet hour, catching up on our day, a very rare time and we made the most of it. The conversation came round to what to have for dinner, one of my favourite simple meals is savoury mince, basically the mixture you make for shepherds pie but not baked, I have it with mash and peas, as does Noel, and Poppy who detests peas has sweet corn. Now for some peculiar reason, Poppy always moans about this meal.
Noel asks if I can collect said daughter from dancing and pre-warn her about the menu and he will cook us all dinner.
Now, the journey is about 12 minutes long, 8 of those minutes, was Poppy and I arguing about this meal and why she can’t have spaghetti bolognaise and me saying “well you cook it on another day”, and Poppy saying “you don’t have to cook your favourite meal” and on and on, now I am pissed off with myself with arguing with her. Bad state of mind to be in ...
Noel has nearly finished as we step in the door and nothing new, he asks Poppy to ‘lay the table’. She goes upstairs, sits on her bed, I clear the table of sewing (8 x dresses for Poppy’s school trip to Barcelona), so that she can now lay the table without the added ‘work load’ of clearing it first. No sign of Poppy, now remember I am in a grumpy mood, not with Noel or the dogs or anybody if they had happened to telephone at that moment but I am with my teenage daughter.
Me = one ‘grumpy mum’ (GM) goes up stairs, she ‘moody madam’ (MM) still sat on bed, ‘grumpy mum’ turns up volume by a couple of notches;
GM “I thought I had told you to take those dirty glasses (4) downstairs at the weekend.”
MM “I forgot.”
GM “Dad has asked you to lay the table and please take the dirty glasses down with you.”
GM goes to her bedroom to close window and then has to walk back pass MM bedroom. MM has not moved.
GM turns the volume up another two or three notches.
GM “Go and lay the table.”
GM you most note, not MM, stumps downstairs – very grown up, responsible attitude going on here.
~~ Nothing ~~
GM shouts (having turned volume up far too much for nice quiet village) from the bottom of the stairs and repeats instructions, “LAY THE TABLE”.
Note : No, please, no, thank you - really GM is not setting a good example.
MM “I am not hungry.”
GM “Flies up stairs (I am sure I was knackered five minutes ago, hardly being able to put one foot in front of the other), you can go to bed with no dinner then, as you didn’t mention feeling not hungry when I first picked you up”.
GM goes downstairs and starts laying the table, then decides that mobile phone has to be removed from daughter, as I feel that making sure being sent to bed does not have making it better gadgets in room. So I go back up stairs and ask for mobile, which is handed over obediently.
MM says “She is feeling sick!”
Now in my loving compassionate thought process my reply is:
“Well you can jolly well eat your dinner for that, because you were fine 5 minutes ago.”
MM; comes downstairs in ballet tights, leotard and her pyjama top with, I have to admit, with four dirty glasses.
Not being able to find her dressing gown (which is in the wash), I suggest she borrows mine, she did.
Now the important bit:
Over the dinner table, Poppy, mentions that I do nothing, Dad cooks the dinner, she does the dishwasher, which she feels is very unfair as I am so lazy. Noel try’s to suggest that ‘Mum’ is not lazy; however Poppy is convinced that I am lazy. On reflection, it is really good that Poppy feels she can express her true feelings but ... a bit more thought might have helped her cause.
At the end of the meal, she clears the table, stacks (half, the other half already done) dishwasher, seems to forget clearing and wiping down the worktops and sink and goes to bed, time is 8pm.
Remember grumpy mum, well I try to put it to the back of my mind and watch How to Look Good Naked, presented by Gok Wan, who always makes me laugh and cry. But groan; it doesn’t go away, the whole incident goes round and round my brain and gives me a sleepless night, however my final thought, before falling asleep which as always, seems, just before the alarm clock goes off; is ‘I will work to rule’.
Finally :
Now picture this, it’s Wednesday morning, which means, I leave work at 3pm, to pick Poppy up from school and take her straight into town for dancing, it’s raining and I am very tired and still grumpy.
Poppy “asks if I can put her dancing bag in the car ready for this afternoon.”
VeryGM “No, I am working to rule, if you think I don’t do anything, then I am not going to do anything.”
I left my daughter nearly in tears, in shock that I am not going to help her, and I walk out of the front door to drive Noel and myself to work. I am feeling crap, guilty (a word that is tied in with motherhood), miserable and rotten. Desperately wanting to go back home and say “I will pick you up etc”. But I have got a point to prove and I don’t want to argue any more, I really just want my loving relationship back but it is one of those hurdles that as a mum of a teenager I am going to have to jump.
Epilogue :
Please wish me luck and please send some ‘I need to rethink vibes, for Poppy’.
I am very mindful of ‘15’, I left home at 15 and I would have hated it, if Toby and today, Poppy felt the need to copy me. I needed to go ... it was the best thing for me but not my ‘stepping back, viewing from all angles’ very well behaved, beautiful daughter. Let’s hope that by tonight we can make up, have a lovely cuddle and tell each other that we really do love each other even though we don’t always like each other.
Noel asks if I can collect said daughter from dancing and pre-warn her about the menu and he will cook us all dinner.
Now, the journey is about 12 minutes long, 8 of those minutes, was Poppy and I arguing about this meal and why she can’t have spaghetti bolognaise and me saying “well you cook it on another day”, and Poppy saying “you don’t have to cook your favourite meal” and on and on, now I am pissed off with myself with arguing with her. Bad state of mind to be in ...
Noel has nearly finished as we step in the door and nothing new, he asks Poppy to ‘lay the table’. She goes upstairs, sits on her bed, I clear the table of sewing (8 x dresses for Poppy’s school trip to Barcelona), so that she can now lay the table without the added ‘work load’ of clearing it first. No sign of Poppy, now remember I am in a grumpy mood, not with Noel or the dogs or anybody if they had happened to telephone at that moment but I am with my teenage daughter.
Me = one ‘grumpy mum’ (GM) goes up stairs, she ‘moody madam’ (MM) still sat on bed, ‘grumpy mum’ turns up volume by a couple of notches;
GM “I thought I had told you to take those dirty glasses (4) downstairs at the weekend.”
MM “I forgot.”
GM “Dad has asked you to lay the table and please take the dirty glasses down with you.”
GM goes to her bedroom to close window and then has to walk back pass MM bedroom. MM has not moved.
GM turns the volume up another two or three notches.
GM “Go and lay the table.”
GM you most note, not MM, stumps downstairs – very grown up, responsible attitude going on here.
~~ Nothing ~~
GM shouts (having turned volume up far too much for nice quiet village) from the bottom of the stairs and repeats instructions, “LAY THE TABLE”.
Note : No, please, no, thank you - really GM is not setting a good example.
MM “I am not hungry.”
GM “Flies up stairs (I am sure I was knackered five minutes ago, hardly being able to put one foot in front of the other), you can go to bed with no dinner then, as you didn’t mention feeling not hungry when I first picked you up”.
GM goes downstairs and starts laying the table, then decides that mobile phone has to be removed from daughter, as I feel that making sure being sent to bed does not have making it better gadgets in room. So I go back up stairs and ask for mobile, which is handed over obediently.
MM says “She is feeling sick!”
Now in my loving compassionate thought process my reply is:
“Well you can jolly well eat your dinner for that, because you were fine 5 minutes ago.”
MM; comes downstairs in ballet tights, leotard and her pyjama top with, I have to admit, with four dirty glasses.
Not being able to find her dressing gown (which is in the wash), I suggest she borrows mine, she did.
Now the important bit:
Over the dinner table, Poppy, mentions that I do nothing, Dad cooks the dinner, she does the dishwasher, which she feels is very unfair as I am so lazy. Noel try’s to suggest that ‘Mum’ is not lazy; however Poppy is convinced that I am lazy. On reflection, it is really good that Poppy feels she can express her true feelings but ... a bit more thought might have helped her cause.
At the end of the meal, she clears the table, stacks (half, the other half already done) dishwasher, seems to forget clearing and wiping down the worktops and sink and goes to bed, time is 8pm.
Remember grumpy mum, well I try to put it to the back of my mind and watch How to Look Good Naked, presented by Gok Wan, who always makes me laugh and cry. But groan; it doesn’t go away, the whole incident goes round and round my brain and gives me a sleepless night, however my final thought, before falling asleep which as always, seems, just before the alarm clock goes off; is ‘I will work to rule’.
Finally :
Now picture this, it’s Wednesday morning, which means, I leave work at 3pm, to pick Poppy up from school and take her straight into town for dancing, it’s raining and I am very tired and still grumpy.
Poppy “asks if I can put her dancing bag in the car ready for this afternoon.”
VeryGM “No, I am working to rule, if you think I don’t do anything, then I am not going to do anything.”
I left my daughter nearly in tears, in shock that I am not going to help her, and I walk out of the front door to drive Noel and myself to work. I am feeling crap, guilty (a word that is tied in with motherhood), miserable and rotten. Desperately wanting to go back home and say “I will pick you up etc”. But I have got a point to prove and I don’t want to argue any more, I really just want my loving relationship back but it is one of those hurdles that as a mum of a teenager I am going to have to jump.
Epilogue :
Please wish me luck and please send some ‘I need to rethink vibes, for Poppy’.
I am very mindful of ‘15’, I left home at 15 and I would have hated it, if Toby and today, Poppy felt the need to copy me. I needed to go ... it was the best thing for me but not my ‘stepping back, viewing from all angles’ very well behaved, beautiful daughter. Let’s hope that by tonight we can make up, have a lovely cuddle and tell each other that we really do love each other even though we don’t always like each other.
